it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm both gender and math confused
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
