checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
