No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
