Betty ford says i'm here all night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I want is dick and wine.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
