I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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