True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
