i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
