We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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