i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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