That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
