she was so not down for the gang bang
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize