My brain says no but my pants say off.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
