apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
