i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
