there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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