I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
