If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
