Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
