I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
