:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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