We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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