it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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