who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
