not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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