there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
