it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
