we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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