Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
not ubering you a puppy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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