Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
