she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
