We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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