I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My penis needs a shock collar
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
