OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
