so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
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