a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
