: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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