Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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