I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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