I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize