I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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