And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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