Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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