This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
