This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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