went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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