You made me cry and you don't even care
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
