That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
