I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This baby is an asshole
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize