and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
