We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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