I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
