why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want nice things and good sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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