I wish I could punch you in the face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
