my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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