dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
