she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
