Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
