you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
