so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
