In America we eat man semen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
