South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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