Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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