So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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