Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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