Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
