Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
