1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
