Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
