Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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