i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The adults are the big ones right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
