I could make wine with my vomit
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
