Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
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Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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