she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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